By Moses Bulamu
After losing my wife last year, I was left looking for purpose and meaning in life. I had more questions than answers. I, learnt how to whisper to myself. I have learnt how to smile solo at things she and I thought odd. I have learnt to turn up at the prayer table and just get on with it, with total honesty and raw truth. I have learnt how to smile alone and how to walk back memory lane even in the midst of a deep convos with a friend.
My wife and I had been together for over twenty years and in effect had cultivated a warm relationship that was coded with the gifts of the holy spirit. We never had a perfect relationship. We disagreed. We argued. BUT we always purposed to hem. I can confidently share with you fellow man,wifey was my best friend. And I can say the same of me to her. In Espanol grief is described as ‘ love with no where to go’,I have learnt that I carry her in my heart. Everywhere.
My wife’s loss cast me before one man of the cloth in the Anglican church. He and I had never met and I was awe stuck when he showed up in his garb like he was going to deliver a Sunday sermon!
We talked back and forth,till my inner self allowed him to lead our convos. As it turned out,it was the right decision. He asked, ” Moses,how many friends do you have?” Startled and without butting an eyelid I answered,” I have Four friends .”
Right after my answer,I thought phew,I have more than four friends! Equally startling was his answer! ” The four are enough my son.”
It’s close to ten months since he and I had that conversation,but my mind has never archived the same. So, yesterday as I had banter with my brother and friend my mind walked back memory lane to mine convos with the man of the cloth.
A man,needs a friend that he calls up anytime and just be a boy with. A man needs a friend that looks through their texts and immediately know there is something wrong. A man needs a friend to tell it all ( the joys,the fears,the warts,the bumps and the giggles). Off the man in the cloth?- they don’t have to be many. Off my own understanding your true friends are under your roof or your nose.
As you and I grapple with the push and shove that gnaws at our Mental Health,we need to continuously remember that we mustn’t end up at the counselor or treatment table. Your phone book is a great resource for who your friends are. Find them! Cultivate them.
Recently a childhood friend and I reached out to eachother,that after a major disagreement and one of the texts telepathically was, ” man I have missed you as a fellow boy”. Wifey used to tell me, ” Moses,find your people !”- I tell us now, “Find your friends.” Hem eachother as men. Bring healing to eachother. Challenge eachother. Have a laugh. Grow as men.king Solomon puts it better, “Iron sharpens iron,so does one man another!”
This is my last Article to the June series which has been a Mental health month awareness for Men. It’s been a pleasure writing to you. It will be a pleasure speaking to and with you. With your fellow men at work. With your boys in School.
Follow me on X @mobulamu handle or email moses.bulamu@gmail.com ,Whatsapp 0758-496-727. Blessings.
Let it count.
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